John Piper wrote this and I wanted everyone (all 5 of you) to read it!
Here are some of the reasons you should pray and meditate over biblical truth.
1. Biblical truth saves.
Take heed to yourself and to your doctrine; hold to that, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers. (1 Timothy 4:16)
2. Biblical truth frees from Satan.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:32)
3. Biblical truth imparts grace and peace.
May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. (2 Peter 1:2)
4. Biblical truth sanctifies.
Sanctify them in the truth; Your Word is truth. (John 17:17)
5. Biblical truth serves love.
It is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment. (Philippians 1:9)
6. Biblical truth protects from error.
Attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God...so that we may no longer be...carried to and fro by every wind of doctrine. (Ephesians 4:13-14)
7. Biblical truth is the hope of heaven.
Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. (1 Corinthians 13:12)
8. Biblical truth will be resisted by some.
The time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own likings. (2 Timothy 4:3)
9. Biblical truth, rightly handled, is approved by God.
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15)
10. Biblical truth: Continue to grow in it!
Grow in the grace and the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 3:18)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
new theology, new creation, new child. part 2
It's the fourth session of Resolved conference. A conference put on by Grace Community Church comprised of a couple thousand college students, taking a sip out of a a fire hydrant of solid reformed/baptist preachers dishing out solid truth to a generation that needs it. In the past, C.J. Mahaney's messages have been filled with tears, compassion, and one of the most genuine loves for Christ I have EVER seen. I was looking forward to his message this year expecting nothing less! ...I had no idea what was in store for me.
The theme of this year's conference was "Heaven and Hell." When I saw the title of CJ's message was "Knowing God as Father: The doctrine of Adoption" I felt my stomach sink and knew that what I was about to hear had nothing to do with the conference, and everything to do with a divine conversation with God Himself and His confused daughter.
CJ began his message by reading the text (Galatians 1:1-7) and goes on to describe too many genuine believers he has met that are "uncertain of God's love for them. They are suspicious of God...in light of their sin and the holiness of God they wonder if God really does love them. They tend to think of God as tolerating them, frustrated with them...and perhaps this evening you are one of them...If this is you tonight then it is my prayer that this message will be a defining moment for you and alter your view of God and his love for you." (even as I type and relisten to this message, my eyes are full of tears) At this moment I can say with full assurance of faith, God was there. Next to me. Opening my ears. Holding me. My eyes welled up with tears and I began wondering how on Earth CJ got my journal and why is he reading it in from of everyone. I looked around thinking "wait... I'm not the only one that struggles with this? Does he know that he is preaching this message for me only?" I don't remember taking my eyes off of CJ for the next hour of his message.
I will spare you all of the details of the outline of his message and give you the highlights...
The theme of this year's conference was "Heaven and Hell." When I saw the title of CJ's message was "Knowing God as Father: The doctrine of Adoption" I felt my stomach sink and knew that what I was about to hear had nothing to do with the conference, and everything to do with a divine conversation with God Himself and His confused daughter.
CJ began his message by reading the text (Galatians 1:1-7) and goes on to describe too many genuine believers he has met that are "uncertain of God's love for them. They are suspicious of God...in light of their sin and the holiness of God they wonder if God really does love them. They tend to think of God as tolerating them, frustrated with them...and perhaps this evening you are one of them...If this is you tonight then it is my prayer that this message will be a defining moment for you and alter your view of God and his love for you." (even as I type and relisten to this message, my eyes are full of tears) At this moment I can say with full assurance of faith, God was there. Next to me. Opening my ears. Holding me. My eyes welled up with tears and I began wondering how on Earth CJ got my journal and why is he reading it in from of everyone. I looked around thinking "wait... I'm not the only one that struggles with this? Does he know that he is preaching this message for me only?" I don't remember taking my eyes off of CJ for the next hour of his message.
I will spare you all of the details of the outline of his message and give you the highlights...
1I mean that the heir, as long as he is a child, is no different from a slave, though he is the owner of everything, 2but he is under guardians and managers until the date set by his father. 3In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world.
Here is the set up. We were slaves to this world. Slaves to sin. Orphans. But we were not the cute, helpless babies that we so often imagine in orphanages, we were covered in the filth of our sin and loved it. We murdered our adopting parent's son. We laughed and spit in his face.
Here is the set up. We were slaves to this world. Slaves to sin. Orphans. But we were not the cute, helpless babies that we so often imagine in orphanages, we were covered in the filth of our sin and loved it. We murdered our adopting parent's son. We laughed and spit in his face.
4But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.
CJ then goes to explain Christ's sacrifice on the cross. God crushing his perfect son. It says in Isaiah 53 that he was "pleased to crush him." He did this for me. the orphan who spit in His face. the orphan who was reaching back for the filth I once lived in. God KILLED his son. for me. why?
First, (v.5) Christ came to redeem. His brutal death on the cross allows sinners like us to receive divine grace and gives us eternal life. Now that, in and of itself is sufficiently astounding! That is enough for God's people to praise Him for eternity in glory. BUT HE'S NOT DONE.
Secondly, the second part of verse 5 says Christ came to adopt. A-d-o-p-t. to accept me and love me as a daughter. He did not have to. but He chose to. He has chosen to love me. to delight in me. to be affectionate with me. in this act i went from a slave to a son.
what more could God have done to show me His love? how can I read this and not believe He loves me?
CJ then goes to explain Christ's sacrifice on the cross. God crushing his perfect son. It says in Isaiah 53 that he was "pleased to crush him." He did this for me. the orphan who spit in His face. the orphan who was reaching back for the filth I once lived in. God KILLED his son. for me. why?
First, (v.5) Christ came to redeem. His brutal death on the cross allows sinners like us to receive divine grace and gives us eternal life. Now that, in and of itself is sufficiently astounding! That is enough for God's people to praise Him for eternity in glory. BUT HE'S NOT DONE.
Secondly, the second part of verse 5 says Christ came to adopt. A-d-o-p-t. to accept me and love me as a daughter. He did not have to. but He chose to. He has chosen to love me. to delight in me. to be affectionate with me. in this act i went from a slave to a son.
what more could God have done to show me His love? how can I read this and not believe He loves me?
6And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" 7So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God
Notice in these verses he says "you." YOU are now sons, YOU are no longer a slave. in the previous verses he does not talk directly to the reader. it is as if God is kneeling down and making eye contact with the listener. "You are no longer a slave to this world but my daughter, my heir." By the way, God didn't need an heir! He had His son, Christ! He chose to make us heirs and members of His family. Also, my love for God is not a root, but a fruit! My love for him proves His love for me! I would not love Him if He did not first put it there.
Just like in the story of the prodigal son, it says that the father felt it in his gut when he saw his boy coming home. he could have made him a slave and been COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED. but he no. he chose to run to him, kiss him, and celebrate his return. how much more is God's love for me? He crushed his son and is preparing a mansions for us to live in forever. to enjoy him for eternity. to be in the presence of our loving, affectionate Father forever and ever amen.
Just like in the story of the prodigal son, it says that the father felt it in his gut when he saw his boy coming home. he could have made him a slave and been COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED. but he no. he chose to run to him, kiss him, and celebrate his return. how much more is God's love for me? He crushed his son and is preparing a mansions for us to live in forever. to enjoy him for eternity. to be in the presence of our loving, affectionate Father forever and ever amen.
Friday, December 12, 2008
tragic.
facebook as ceased to function properly on my laptop at work. WHY?! how else am I supposed to fill 15 hours of working every week if I can't spend a significant amount of them on facebook? Maybe the powers that be caught on and did something.
so instead of staring at the same facebook pages I always do, I chosen to waste my time at work today by revisiting my dear old friend, the rubix cube. i spent an hour on it today before getting to work. then i proceeded to give one of the pastors a lesson on the addicting 80's puzzle. My teaching skills once again proved to be insufficient seeing that he still has no idea what on earth to do with the darn thing.
then one of the secretaries and i engaged in some good bulletin stuffing trash talk. before we raced to stuff 1050 bulletins.
sometimes the amount of excitement in my life amazes me.
so instead of staring at the same facebook pages I always do, I chosen to waste my time at work today by revisiting my dear old friend, the rubix cube. i spent an hour on it today before getting to work. then i proceeded to give one of the pastors a lesson on the addicting 80's puzzle. My teaching skills once again proved to be insufficient seeing that he still has no idea what on earth to do with the darn thing.
then one of the secretaries and i engaged in some good bulletin stuffing trash talk. before we raced to stuff 1050 bulletins.
sometimes the amount of excitement in my life amazes me.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
the office.
awkward moments in the workplace:
beginning an email to the senior pastor and unknowingly sending it with only one complete sentence. then getting a very confused response a day later.
beginning an email to the senior pastor and unknowingly sending it with only one complete sentence. then getting a very confused response a day later.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
sure as the dawn
ok so this is long over-due i know. first of all, thank you for an amazing birthday! i have no idea how 22 crept up on me but i'm loving it so far! My day included sleeping in, free tepanyaki (thank you beth), lounging around barnes and noble looking at photography books, delicious dinner, and time with friends doing what we do best, being crazy!
can i just say that i have an amazing life for the next couple weeks? in 6 days i first get to spend an evening with my callan and then i'm flying to noman's land of the great south of mississippi to see the most precious family i know.
My girls :)
Maddie Paige age 5
can i just say that i have an amazing life for the next couple weeks? in 6 days i first get to spend an evening with my callan and then i'm flying to noman's land of the great south of mississippi to see the most precious family i know.
My girls :)
Maddie Paige age 5
Lauren Elizabeth age 3
Caitlin Grace 8 months
Then im seeing Phantom of the Opera in San fran on Sunday with bethers! a best friend, one of the most amazing musicals of all time, and san fran! who could as for more??
i've also been reading some good stuff in the Word lately. i was blessed to recieve an ESV study bible for my birthday and i love it! I've been reading out of Hosea and am continually blown away by my God's unconditional love for His people.
Then im seeing Phantom of the Opera in San fran on Sunday with bethers! a best friend, one of the most amazing musicals of all time, and san fran! who could as for more??
i've also been reading some good stuff in the Word lately. i was blessed to recieve an ESV study bible for my birthday and i love it! I've been reading out of Hosea and am continually blown away by my God's unconditional love for His people.
6:1-3:
"Come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, an he will bind us up.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.
Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth."
"Come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, an he will bind us up.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.
Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth."
There are times where HE tears us and HE strikes us down but never without healing us and bringing us back to himself. and he is as sure as the dawn. he will ALWAYS be waiting. ALWAYS rescue us. the most loving thing our God can do is show us himself and there are times when it takes him tearing us down for us to see Him. what a loving God that we can trust!
6:4-6
What shall I do with you, O Ephraim?
What shall I do with you, O Judah?
Your love is like a morning cloud,
like the dew that goes early away.
Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets;
I have slain them by the words of my mouth,
and my judgment goes forth as the light.
For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,
the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.
What shall I do with you, O Ephraim?
What shall I do with you, O Judah?
Your love is like a morning cloud,
like the dew that goes early away.
Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets;
I have slain them by the words of my mouth,
and my judgment goes forth as the light.
For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,
the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.
How often is our love for God fickle?! how often do we, like Gomer the prostitute, run to any and every earthly temperary satisfaction? what a good reminder that he disires our steadfast love. not our mindless spiritual checklist.
11:8-9
How can I give you up, O Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, O Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
My heart recoils within me;
my compassion grows warm and tender.
I will not execute my burning anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim;
for I am God and not a man,
the Holy One in your midst,
and I will not come in wrath.
despite our sin and fickle hearts, he still loves us like a father his children, and even more so! it is rare that we hear people describe their relationship with the Lord as warm and tender but that's our father! he desires to protect us and be tender and compassionate with us.
how thankful i am that my God does not act out of anger, but chooses to deal with me gently and compassionately. what an amazing God we serve!
How can I give you up, O Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, O Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
My heart recoils within me;
my compassion grows warm and tender.
I will not execute my burning anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim;
for I am God and not a man,
the Holy One in your midst,
and I will not come in wrath.
despite our sin and fickle hearts, he still loves us like a father his children, and even more so! it is rare that we hear people describe their relationship with the Lord as warm and tender but that's our father! he desires to protect us and be tender and compassionate with us.
how thankful i am that my God does not act out of anger, but chooses to deal with me gently and compassionately. what an amazing God we serve!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
miss plank eye
so this is probably the 10th post i've started. maybe ill finish this one. maybe ill one day finish the others too! my big lesson in this season of life has been pride and humility. God has used some pretty influential people and authors to show me my sin of pride. a little less than a year ago i began meeting people that didn't act like me or love God like me. in my flesh, my first instinct is to look down on these types of people and make a harsh judgment on their spiritual status, but God gracious decided to use these people to break down my idea of a "cookie cutter" Christian and start showing me what deeply loving Jesus and other people truly looks like.
Christianity is not about calvinism vs. armenianism, having a glass of wine vs. never having a drop, raising hands in worship vs. sitting still. it's about rejoicing in our God. in our hope of salvation. in the victory that happened on the cross. in the BEAUTY of Christ. in finding true joy in times with the Lord. in having our anchor be in the only thing that will never ever change. in fearing our God the judge yet feeling comforted and safe in the arms of God the father. I dont care what you look like, where you go to church, what your beliefs are on controversial issues, if you are doing all of those things, then I praise God for His salvation in you and the work he is doing in your life.
God has created us and wired us SO UNIQUELY. to say we all look the same and experience God in the same way would be an insult to Him! He is so creative in nature, why would that be any different when creating people and their hearts and passions? I pray that God continues to stretch my mind and my thinking, that I grow even more in my deep love for people, and that most importantly, i grow to a deeper love of my creative soveriegn Father whom I praise for not letting me sit in my dirty rubbish of my pride, but would bring me to an even better understanding of Him and His beautiful bride, the church.
Christianity is not about calvinism vs. armenianism, having a glass of wine vs. never having a drop, raising hands in worship vs. sitting still. it's about rejoicing in our God. in our hope of salvation. in the victory that happened on the cross. in the BEAUTY of Christ. in finding true joy in times with the Lord. in having our anchor be in the only thing that will never ever change. in fearing our God the judge yet feeling comforted and safe in the arms of God the father. I dont care what you look like, where you go to church, what your beliefs are on controversial issues, if you are doing all of those things, then I praise God for His salvation in you and the work he is doing in your life.
God has created us and wired us SO UNIQUELY. to say we all look the same and experience God in the same way would be an insult to Him! He is so creative in nature, why would that be any different when creating people and their hearts and passions? I pray that God continues to stretch my mind and my thinking, that I grow even more in my deep love for people, and that most importantly, i grow to a deeper love of my creative soveriegn Father whom I praise for not letting me sit in my dirty rubbish of my pride, but would bring me to an even better understanding of Him and His beautiful bride, the church.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
blurb
i can't believe it's october 4 already. it's starting to get cooler and we even had rain tonight. the scent of fresh rain is truly intoxicating. i wanted nothing more than to lay on my bed with one certain candle burning and listen to george winston... like the old days :).
tonight i was completely blessed by sharing the evening with great friends. so much laughter and so much enjoyment. i was reminded that this is one of the many blessings of being a part of the Body of Christ. that was true community. and how often we pollute the body of Christ when we are hanging out! with movies, our topic of conversation, our language, etc. i praise God for blessing me with great people to surround myself with. i do not thank Him enough. i often complain and think of how things should be better and how it's not exactly how i want it. how selfish am i!? i'm a work in progress...
and i know this is no "part 2" to my last post. i'll get there!
tonight i was completely blessed by sharing the evening with great friends. so much laughter and so much enjoyment. i was reminded that this is one of the many blessings of being a part of the Body of Christ. that was true community. and how often we pollute the body of Christ when we are hanging out! with movies, our topic of conversation, our language, etc. i praise God for blessing me with great people to surround myself with. i do not thank Him enough. i often complain and think of how things should be better and how it's not exactly how i want it. how selfish am i!? i'm a work in progress...
and i know this is no "part 2" to my last post. i'll get there!
Friday, April 25, 2008
boredom
boredom.
one of my flaws. these past couple years i have learned a tremendous amount about myself. one of the biggest, and probably most important to recognize, i get bored easily. i get bored with my major, my location, my job, my surroundings, etc. so i try to move on the next exciting thing and then it never turns out to be as exciting as i thought it was going to be. so i get bored. so does that mean im going to be disappointed for the rest of my life? i think im trying to find something that will forever entertain me and keep my interest. but im positive there is nothing like that anywhere... unless dane cook or wayne brady moved in. why do i get bored? i wish i could commit to something with no end date in mind. so do i want to leave the church because im bored? or do i genuinely think i shouldnt be there? well spending time with the Lord will answer that im sure. and since this quality isnt a matter of sin its just a character trait, i can say with confidence that God wired me this way for a reason. he wired me to desire change and thrive in changing environments. so now i just need to figure out how He wants me to use that for His kingdom and how i can use it as a tool.
reading time.
one of my flaws. these past couple years i have learned a tremendous amount about myself. one of the biggest, and probably most important to recognize, i get bored easily. i get bored with my major, my location, my job, my surroundings, etc. so i try to move on the next exciting thing and then it never turns out to be as exciting as i thought it was going to be. so i get bored. so does that mean im going to be disappointed for the rest of my life? i think im trying to find something that will forever entertain me and keep my interest. but im positive there is nothing like that anywhere... unless dane cook or wayne brady moved in. why do i get bored? i wish i could commit to something with no end date in mind. so do i want to leave the church because im bored? or do i genuinely think i shouldnt be there? well spending time with the Lord will answer that im sure. and since this quality isnt a matter of sin its just a character trait, i can say with confidence that God wired me this way for a reason. he wired me to desire change and thrive in changing environments. so now i just need to figure out how He wants me to use that for His kingdom and how i can use it as a tool.
reading time.
Monday, April 21, 2008
4. attempt #3
sometimes i think im bi-polar. i mean i know im not but my head just seems like it sometimes. the past month has been rough. not sure quite why. i've felt pretty alone and separated from The Lord. i think i figured out what my funk came down to. i haven't felt like i have had worth in God's sight. which in and of myself I know that i have no worth. i'm a sinner. but what about after salvation? am i just one of God's children running around doing my own thing attempting not to mess up my life? or am i actually loved and valued by God? my head knows what the right answer is but is that what i believe and feel? i was thinking about it as i was doing my hair. the 15 minutes of blow drying in the morning is my time of complete solitude. it can be very good (like this particular morning) or really harmful. which in that case i turn on the ipod (which i will have to figure out what to do once beth leaves...). As i was blow drying a remembered someone writing to me once "i am sure that God is proud of the way you have chosen to serve him." i cried when i read that and i almost started crying when i thought of it. Is he? is he proud of me? His child? does He take pleasure in me? or am i just a lowly man who continues to mess up?
i thought about it all day. and that night i just sat with Him. and asked Him to allow me to feel His worth in me. that was a couple nights ago and i truly have been feeling it. i know that we aren't supposed to give much weight on our feelings and emotions (or at least that's what we are taught) but He has given me that. i even read my bible last night. its weird how we always return to the basics in the end. now i just need to continue praying and actually perusing Him. what if im feeling better just because my mood changed? i cant think that. every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord so this change of mood is a good gift and is from Him.
why am i blogging at work? and not at night when i have the time? oh well. ill probably write again later and talk about something lighter. okay? okay.
i thought about it all day. and that night i just sat with Him. and asked Him to allow me to feel His worth in me. that was a couple nights ago and i truly have been feeling it. i know that we aren't supposed to give much weight on our feelings and emotions (or at least that's what we are taught) but He has given me that. i even read my bible last night. its weird how we always return to the basics in the end. now i just need to continue praying and actually perusing Him. what if im feeling better just because my mood changed? i cant think that. every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord so this change of mood is a good gift and is from Him.
why am i blogging at work? and not at night when i have the time? oh well. ill probably write again later and talk about something lighter. okay? okay.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
tres
this is soon going to be yet another avenue to take when i am trying to procrastinate.
exhibit a
I really like this picture for some reason. probably because im mildly obsessed with pink skies. and its like peace amongst busy streets. i sound lame...
i found out today that he applied to california schools. which i know really means nothing but still a part of me got happy and the larger part of me was sad. oh well. the Lord is good. no matter what.
i hate being indecisive.
exhibit a
I really like this picture for some reason. probably because im mildly obsessed with pink skies. and its like peace amongst busy streets. i sound lame...
i found out today that he applied to california schools. which i know really means nothing but still a part of me got happy and the larger part of me was sad. oh well. the Lord is good. no matter what.
i hate being indecisive.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Two
lots of things happened today. well probably not anymore than a normal day but since im writing them out it seems like a lot.
I went to work. told dave i might quit. he told me that if i am in the word, seeking counsel, and im in prayer then i can do whatever the heck i want. now its just a matter of figuring out what that is. then i continued to make my endless amounts of phone calls, repeating the exact same thing over and over. i have my little schpeel memorized to the point where i can text and leave a message at the same time. however, i could be reciting what i am typing and i would have no idea. today i realized that i don't want to be a secretary forever. contradictory to what i have believed my entire life. ...back to the drawing board.
something funny: i called a family the other day and this is convo that happened. me: "hi is your mom or dad home?" girl "no my mom isn't home and my dad can't come to the phone right now." me: "oh okay when would should i call back?" girl "my dad is in the bathtub" me: "...well...ill call back...in... an hour..." i didn't tho. i started laughing whenever i tried.
i want to travel. im pretty sure if i had endless amounts of money, i would go to every major city in the world and spend a month there. find hole in the wall restaurants and sit and stare at art or the great land marks. just being amongst glimpses of my creative God gets my heart beating fast.
i really like art. i may not seem like it but it fascinates me. the deep meaning behind paint. i always wished that i was more artsy and may be i am but i just have never let it out. i also saw a man smoking a pipe today. pipes are extremely attractive to me. i think they represent wisdom, grandfathers, and people who know much more than i. im pretty sure the man i end up with has to smoke a pipe. or at least own one.
dreams freak me out. well i take that back. most of the time i am really intrigued and amused by them but the concept scares me to death. scenarios that you can actually feel and have no real control over. i truly believe satan used dreams to cause us to lose focus. well he does for me at least. my weirdly detailed memory replays things over and over in my head. and the fact i think in a film like sequence doesn't help either.
i need to get better at this.
I went to work. told dave i might quit. he told me that if i am in the word, seeking counsel, and im in prayer then i can do whatever the heck i want. now its just a matter of figuring out what that is. then i continued to make my endless amounts of phone calls, repeating the exact same thing over and over. i have my little schpeel memorized to the point where i can text and leave a message at the same time. however, i could be reciting what i am typing and i would have no idea. today i realized that i don't want to be a secretary forever. contradictory to what i have believed my entire life. ...back to the drawing board.
something funny: i called a family the other day and this is convo that happened. me: "hi is your mom or dad home?" girl "no my mom isn't home and my dad can't come to the phone right now." me: "oh okay when would should i call back?" girl "my dad is in the bathtub" me: "...well...ill call back...in... an hour..." i didn't tho. i started laughing whenever i tried.
i want to travel. im pretty sure if i had endless amounts of money, i would go to every major city in the world and spend a month there. find hole in the wall restaurants and sit and stare at art or the great land marks. just being amongst glimpses of my creative God gets my heart beating fast.
i really like art. i may not seem like it but it fascinates me. the deep meaning behind paint. i always wished that i was more artsy and may be i am but i just have never let it out. i also saw a man smoking a pipe today. pipes are extremely attractive to me. i think they represent wisdom, grandfathers, and people who know much more than i. im pretty sure the man i end up with has to smoke a pipe. or at least own one.
dreams freak me out. well i take that back. most of the time i am really intrigued and amused by them but the concept scares me to death. scenarios that you can actually feel and have no real control over. i truly believe satan used dreams to cause us to lose focus. well he does for me at least. my weirdly detailed memory replays things over and over in my head. and the fact i think in a film like sequence doesn't help either.
i need to get better at this.
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