Amnesia

2 Peter 1:5, 9

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge... But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

I'm reading a book called "Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life." Now I realize the title can seem cheesy or flowery but the content of this book as anything but that. The author (Elyse Fizpatrick. obviously...) addresses an issue she refers to as Identity Amnesia. It's seen when we so quickly forget who and what we are in Christ. We can go to a service, hear a great sermon, then go home and begin complaining about a friend, become upset that we weren't invited to that party, acting as if we had never attended church at all. How can we so quickly forget everything we were just reminded of just hours before? If you are life me, then you know what I'm talking about!

How do we fall into this? We forget to focus on how Christ has changed our identity to be His, and by focusing on external behaviors. When we are internally changed, outward behavior changes as well but, "Without the recognition of this prior and ongoing work of love, we won't have the courage or power to fight the sin in the way He is calling us to." We neglect our remaking and molding of our inner person and depend on our determination to change, when in fact it is from our inner person that true, genuine change occurs. When we focus so heavily on our self-discipline, communication, responses (or whatever issue you are dealing with) we forget our identity, where true change comes from.

What are we filling our mind with? We may go to church for an hour, or have one great conversation then what we learned quickly disappears because we fill our mind with hours of worldly television, music, movies, or conversation. No wonder truth gets drowned out! "We're staggering around under the misconception that we really do need to love, accept, and respect ourselves to make it through the day." In reality, we are fueled by the love of God and we accept ourselves because of our ultimate acceptance by God!

This is getting long. you get idea :) let's not forget who we are first. Outward behavior second.

my 24th year

my birthday was last saturday and let me say, it was one of the best! people i love, good food, shopping, a pedicure. I made many decisions regarding my 24 year and one of them is to take a picture a day! and what better place to share them than right here. Let's begin!

Nov. 13 - Ticket to Ride!

Nov. 14 - the best part about birthdays...

Nov. 15 - Hanging out with Mrs. MacAlpine

Nov. 16 - My lifegroup is cooler than yours.

Nov. 17 - Pretty Pretty Princess with the Bachmans!

And that's about it. Thanks for tuning in!

neglect.

What I've been convicted with lately...

"I tend to focus my though on my Christianity -- how I'm doing, what I'm learning, how my prayer time was today, how I avoided that pesky sin or fell into it again. I think about what I'm supposed to accomplish for Christ, and I interact with others on the same works-oriented ground. But this day isn't about me at all. It's about Him: His sinless life, death, resurrection, ascension, and reign and the promise of His return. It's the gravity of His life that should attract my thought towards Him." Elyse Fitzpatrick from Comforts from the Cross

Your life can been filled with good things revolving around Christ, but if your being is not filled with the person of Christ alone, what is it all for? Isn't our goal in this life to be more like Christ so He can be made known? Somehow I make it about me. Gross.

El Roi

So I haven't done this blog thing in quite a while. So what is causing me to do it now? I have no idea. Just that I feel like I've learned a great deal of things in the past 6 months and perhaps I should write them down?

I believe the last time I wrote was April. So let's start there. I was reading the Pursuit of Holiness then, and here I am now, still (kind of) reading it. I have no ability to finish books and I'm okay with that. I'm still at my job and I've learned that at around month 10 of every job I've had, I'm ready to move on. So here I am, at month 10, ready to move on. But I'm sticking with it. The Lord has given me a spirit that loves change and I think He may want to challenge my ability to commit and stick with it. So whether I'm being spit on, scratched, or hugged, I shall continue, as unto Christ. I know that sounds cheesy but it's true! I am living with 2 fantastic girls that I'm learning more about all the time and we are getting along great!

In the past 6 months I've learned about so many of my weaknesses. I've learned that I try to please men, I'm dependent on affirmation, and I need major priority checks (to name a few). I lived with the Downs family this summer (by the grace of God!) and I thought my summer was going to be all good feelings, Jesus loves me's, and giggles but the Lord had other plans. He used the month I was there to show me of my need for Him. Not men, words, or "good jobs" but just Him. I learned I look outward far too often, blaming, excusing, and justifying my actions, when I should be looking inward, at my heart that is in need of change! He has so much He wants to work out in me if only I would stop and examine myself.

I have also spent a lot of time with Godly women in my life that encourage me, laugh with me, and slap me when I need it. I wouldn't trade a second of it!

All in all I'm so grateful for a God who is never done molding me, a God who gives grace and power to people like me, and a God who is El Roi, the God who sees. He sees where I'm at, my imperfections, my failed attempts and does not passively watch, but actively provides for, smiles upon, disciplines, and walks with me. Hallelujiah!

yucky.

this is nothing to do with anything i'm learning or reading but i just wanted to say that today i have had a starbucks white mocha double shot, a hot dog and cheetos, a bacon ranch tortada, home made nachos, 4 double stuffed oreos, a handful of peanut butter m&ms, and some frozen yogurt.

i'm pretty sure after I read the chapter in "the pursuit of holiness" about my bodily health i won't want to eat that crap anymore. so i might as well get it in before i get all convicted and stuff right?? ;)

in all seriousness i am PRAYING that i become convicted in the area of my eating/exercise habits. i want to honor God in all areas!!

that's all for now. i'll write a real post this week. promise :).

big

i remember watching Big when I was 7(ish) years old and loving that movie. I loved the idea of growing up and having a real job, with a real apartment, and have real adult friends. i was that little kid who loved to pretend she was her mom (i have the pictures to prove it) and thought a fun game was "grocery store" and "house" when I made my dad be the landlord and send me bills in my cardboard mailbox. well the other day I had "big" moment. i was talking to a parent and I said, "when I'm an adult..." and she interrupted me to remind me i am an adult. then i thought about it. for the next 2 days. "holy cow. when i was younger I though 23 was so old. now here i am!" since when do i pay car insurance, health insurance, do taxes, make decisions, and get masters degrees? the rebellious side of me says "why the heck do you get to say when i get to take a vacation? i work when i wanna work lady!" then i remember, that i'm not a kid, i'm an adult. i dont get to play by my rules anymore.

when i was a freshman at masters there was a girl named bethany that past away in a car accident. everyone loved her. they had a huge memorial service and it truly shook the student body who knew her. when they described her they talked about her absolute love for God's Word, how it was always on her lips and lived out in her actions. she had joy that was so obviously from her delight in her Father. i told myself that day in september of 2005 that I wanted to be like her "when i grow up." well I feel like that day is here. am i the person i want to be? i regret to say that I'm not the person i had hoped to be by the age of 23. don't get me wrong, the Lord has grown me and taught me immeasurable things in the past 5 years. i have learned and seen sides of Him I had no idea existed and have been blessed by amazing people. but i can't help to think of the vision of who i want to be in 20 years. what am i doing about it now to get there? i forget that the decisions i'm making now will affect me the rest of my life, that the habits i'm forming now have the potential to stay with me forever. I know it is the Lord that has brought these thoughts and concerns to my mind. i want to live a life on complete intentionality. for Him and for others. i pray that He will continue to prune me that I may love Him and others better. Maybe one day I'll feel like I have this grown up thing figured out. until then, i'll just keep pretending :) just like tom hanks.