behavior modification

okay fine. i'll blog :)

turns out i've not written a decent blog since june (yikes!). i'll just to an adequate update while keeping it somewhat brief.

im not pursuing grad school at CSUF anymore. i'm working as a therapist to kids with autism. i'm living with 4 of my closests friends. i'm going to the well. is that good enough? :)

so being a child development major and now working with a bunch of behaviorists, i think about people and the reasons we do what we do. at work we analyze our clients misbehaviors by asking "why are they acting out?" By that we can try and get to the root of the problem and address that instead just training them how to act (i imagine the same thing goes for parenting). when i first heard of this in a class i took in college it blew my mind. "you mean there is a deeper issue than the kid just wanting to kick his sister?" i know this may sound elementary but my eyes were totally opened. It's a heart issue. if we address just the behavior, the problem is still very much alive, just hiding under a bandaid. we are just modifying the behavior and while doing so telling the kid "it's okay to be angry at your sister all the time, just dont kick her." that's not what we want.

now the part that i have been thinking about/being convicted of since my last post is not the heart issue behind that bad stuff i do, but the good stuff. the things that make me look good or feel good. like, reading my bible, going to church, not watching this show or that movie, praying, the list goes on. unfortunately my reasons behind doing these things is not always to be living in my abundant life, that is Christ. sometimes the reasons are: i know i should read, i don't want ______ to know that i watch this movie or say that word, i'm supposed to do this or that, etc. i am a victim of my own training! i have modified my behavior without checking the heart of the issue. how horribly sad. not just for me but even more so for my Father. now i dont want to say that i'm like this all the time. a lot of the time i read b/c i know i should and as soon as i open my bible i feel a tsunami of comfort and truth coming my way. perhaps you have felt the same thing? it is my hope and prayer that my heart would be completely set on honoring my Lord and yearing to be closer to Him and that is the only reason for doing the things i do. however, i can't just make myself want something or yearn for something.
Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." it doesn't start with doing, it starts with something so much deeper. how do we renew our mind and heart? by filling it with Him. spend time with Him, talking with Him, reading, being outside in His nature, list His qualities, list His names.
psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." when He is what im filling myself with, He will be my delight. and heck, we need to be asking Him for these things!

So right now i'm working on the heart of the issue. why i do or don't do things. why do i run to others? why do i measure myself with those around me? why are my eyes doing a constant shifting gaze instead of staring at Him and Him alone?

let's take a week. a week of purposeful pursuit of Him. spending time in His word, with His people, in His presence. ready go.

more pictures.....

RIP Chuck :(

some stuff

since i'm being really lame when it comes to updating my blog with actual thoughts, here are some pictures :)

not a real post...

dang i need to post. i will soon!!!! an update of the summer, what i'm learning, and new changes in this years plan!

brb.... :)

update update update

well well well ladies and gents. it has been a month since my last post.... i've been busy! my time here at mount hermon has been amazing! God is teaching me so much and blessing me with new relationships! the more people i meet the more i see a creative God who is so intentional with the diversity he puts in his children! the different strengths, weaknesses, passions, and even humors in the body of Christ are God given. No two believers look the same and i am always being reminded of that here! and the best part of all is my awesome staff. i have been blessed to work with an amazing group of people who are not only fun to be around but love the Lord deeply! here are some of those people...


















here is courtney, booth, and sarah. courtney is a co-highschool counselor with me. she is freakin awesome and i am SO thankful for her and her thug dance moves. and for making me laugh when im dead tired in the middle of sessions. and for stealing coffee in the mornings... and so many more reasons!
bethie boo boo..... well i get to live with her. enough said. and no she doesn't smell that bad :)
sarah (java) is the jr. high director and so good at her job. she is awesome!


















calbootsiebear is reading to the little pumpkin heads in tahoe. she looks a little confused probably because she is realizing elijah (the kid on the end) doesn't stop talking when asked. i was a little confused too then i got used to it. it was an interesting week!



















mike edel, matt sonke, and jon brazell. band leader, counselor extrodinare, comedian/bass player


















corbin hates being touched.... especially by matt.


















mikaela... aka skittles. our mvp! she is so good at her job and such a blessing!























Joshie poo, Beth's partner in crime. He loves morning time.























the youth director Keegan. he's kinda in charge of us. and very photogenic.























im not sure what is going on here. perhaps telling a secret? who knows...

i'm missing a picture of beans and little kev. but you don't know who they are so thats okay! :)


















and this picture represents sarah robey and our second date. she isn't on my staff but she is worht mentioning because i love this woman and discussing the Lord with her! yeahhhhhh!!!!

thats all for now.
grace and peace!

aaaaand we're back.

well. its all over. eeevvverryyytthhinngggg. over! my 21 units, college, interning, the church, my life at my parents house, the wedding, over! and now i sit in mount hermon, my new home for the next 2 and a half months, with nothing to do! its so wonderful yet makes me nervous all at the same time. i am nervous that i will not make the most of my free time. this past semester i have had little time to do things i claim i wanted to do and now that i have the time, what if i still don't do them? what if i still procrastenate and waste time on stupid things? what if i still put off reading to talk to friends, or run errands, etc? i pray pray pray that that is not true (what a funny looking sentence!). deep down i know that my desire to spend quality time with the Lord outweighs my desire to do other things, but i fear the power of my flesh!

readers (all 5 of you): please ask me what i'm reading! thank you :)

a couple important people have asked me in the recent weeks what i have learned this semester. and after thinking about it for a while i think i can sum it up to a couple of things.
1. i am in need of regular accountability and small group studying! i had a number of people in my life this semester to read with, pray with, and share with, but i missed having a weekly meeting to go through a study. i thrive on schedules and knowing i need to have this or that chapter read so i can discuss and learn with other people!
2. the need of the Word. if i'm not filling my mind with His Word, i won't be thinking of it, won't be speaking it, and won't be living it as well! by thinking of the Word, i am in communication with the Lord. and the opposite is also true. if i want Him to be filling the thoughts of my day, i have to fill my mind with Him!
3. He wants to spend time with me. He doesn't get frustrated and pout and make me take a time out from him. He demands my everything because he loves me, delights in me, and truly wants the best for me. and the best thing for me is Him. His glory, His character, His words. Him alone. so when i ignore Him and put other things above Him, of course i'm going to feel it and feel emptiness! he designed it that way so we would miss Him and come back to Him. what a good Shepherd that gently draws back his sheep.

okay on a different note i am SO looking forward to the reading i want to do this summer. I have a list of books i want to start (and hopefully finish haha) and the first on the list is Living the Cross-Centered Life by: CJ Mahaney (perhaps a life group study? :)). the intro alone hit me in the face. in this short chapter he simply states the neccessity of the gospel being the center of our lives. when asking the reader (me) what the passion of our lives is he says, "maybe your life's passion is not so much a single focus as a constantly shifting gaze." whoa. hoe true that is! how often have i been shifting my focus to and from school, relationships, summer, my future, Christ, my brother, etc! and sometimes the gospel is replaced by "relatively peripheral insights that take on far too much weight." so true!

and here are some recent pics i've played around with!




















I know these are small... sorry!


























okay this is long enough. ill write more another day. :)

reporting live from coffee cat in scotts valley, this is sarah signing off. peace!

bunnies?

they had me at the matching sears shirts.

appetizer

this is a make-shift post.

im writing a real one for later. some sort of semester wrap up.

in the mean time. God is so good. He is faithful to continue to edify me through people, relationships, situations, etc. I was driving today listening to a sermon in the car and was reminded of the beauty of the simple gospel. we are sinners in need of a Savior. Christ died to not only pardon our sin that we naturally and willingly committed, but so we can also have a deep relationship with him forever. God is intentional with His children. i ignore Him far too often.

i am SO EXCITED for summer. i'm excited to invest, to read, to talk, to grow, and so much more.

more to come! :)

parking lot treaures.

so i was walking today to my car after class and i found a bible on the ground! It was a small Gideons bible so I picked it up and thought "hey! i can keep this little guy in my car door or something!" i then began to flip through it and i stumbled upon this in the first couple pages...

The Bible contains the mind of God, the state of man, the doom of sinners, and the happiness of believers. Its doctrines are holy, its precepts are binding, its histories are true, and its decisions are immutable. Read it to be wise, believe it to be safe, and practice it to be holy. It contains light to direct you, food to support you, and comfort to cheer you. It is the traveler's map, the pilgrim's staff, the pilot's compass, and soldier's sword, and the Christian's charter. Here Paradise is restored, Heaven is opened, and the gates of hell are closed.
Christ is its grand subject, our good the design, and the glory of God its end. It should fill the memory, rule the heart, and guide the feet. Read it slowly, frequently, and prayerfully. It is a mine of wealth, a paradise of glory, and a river of pleasure. It is given you in life, will be opened at judgment, and be remembered forever. It involved the highest responsibility, will reward the greatest labor, and will condemn all who trifle with its sacred contents.

I'm so glad i found this today!

other blessings lately...
- 3 more weeks of class
- the thought of summer at the herm
- a week with beth
- the most relaxing pedicure i've ever had
- very loving parents (my dad just walked in and said hi :))
- warmer weather
- papers getting finished
- an amazing weekend Selah-ing (thank you yvonne!)
- the reminder that the Lord has blessed me with some amazing friendships that have gone through the test of time!

dang i just looked at that and thought "man i like lists..." achiever much?

Here are some pictures from the weekend!






















Mom, all aboard the Selah train


















Aren't we cute?

















i guess we like her too....

and i completely forgot about my camera the whole weekend so envision these pictures for me k?

Char and I holding hands frolicking on the lawn
(not too far from reality...)

Me and Melody sharing a milkshake
(we are so cute)

Yvonne and I doing cartwheels down the street
(surprising i know)

okay thats all. and im going radio silent for the weekend. goodbye school. hello relaxation!!

cheeeeeese!

okay here's the deal. i want to be good at photography and this is the best i've got for now! and the majority of you who read my blog have already seen these but pretend this is the first time okay? okay :) and remember i have no idea what i'm doing. just messing around. so be nice. k thanks.

Veronesh, Russia


The Verve, Santa Cruz

Los Banosish

Nonamestan

Nonamestan

Capitol of Nonamestan

eharmony.com

Moscow, Russia

Okay thats all. back to homework!

our duty

our duty as believers are to...

Honor the Glory of God

Revere the Holiness of God

Admire the Greatness of God

Praise the Power of God

Seek the Truthfulness of God

Esteem the Wisdom of God

Treasure the Beauty of God

Trust the Faithfulness of God

Savor the Goodness of God

Respect the Justice of God

Fear the Wrath of God

Cherish the Grace of God

Prize the Presents of God

Love the Person of God

if we could do this our lives would be less stressful and more joyful. because He is better than life. He is the giver of true peace and joy. let's do this.

tick tick

perhaps tuesdays shall be blogdays. today i am unfortunately not in nearly as chipper of a mood as i was last week (or the week before). the 21 units is catching up to me and i'm feeling pretty stretched. i want to be doing about a dozen things right now. none of which include writing 3 papers, interviewing grandma, or doing a math assignment. all of them include, but are not limited to, napping, reading, baking, watching a movie, being unemployed, and the like. my semester is over in 64 days and honestly, I dont know if i'm going to make it. if i'm missing for a substancial amount of time check the corner of the grind because my brain probably exploded.

now where is my planner...

tuesday blessings.

ya know how i know i'm on facebook too much? i keep thinking of what to blog about and the first sentence begins with "sarah is...." like a status. SO LAME.

3 things...

1) distance does not affect the Body. we can still be just as encouraged by one other despite the distance. whether it be los angeles, santa cruz, or mississippi!

2) our adoptions as sons has nothing to do with our efforts (or lack their of) but everything to do the Spirit of God that dwells within us. His love is the true definition of unconditional. it is the only that truly IS unconditional!

3) the word is food. i pray that we will never forget that it is the only thing that will truly fill us!!

purple mountains majesty

goodness gracious. i feel like this is the first time in a long time i have sat down with my bible open and blogged! the past month has been a hard one. i have not been this busy or stressed in a looooong time, maybe ever! and this has taken a toll on me emotionally (being too sensitive and weirdly emotional), mentally (i am so over school), physically (im tired! but still eating :)), and lastly spiritually. unfortunately my flesh has won when it comes to my free time. i fill my extra minutes with facebook and phone calls instead of being filled with the one thing that will truly fill me. the past week or so i have felt a physical hunger for the word. i am so so thankful that the Lord makes me hungry for it, draws me to it. he could very well let me run around, neglecting it but he doesn't. he knows that is truly the one thing that i need so he pushes me to it! praise God! i have been reminded lately of the blessings and divine power we are given as believers. do we realize this?? we are no longer of this world but are divine beings, children of the Creator, children of a King, THE King. we now have access to the throne of giver of all things, the ordainer and sustainer of all things. i forget this far too often. He is the one who delights in us most, who pursues us most, and who deserves all of my affections and glory. i want to remember this always!

in other news... i applied for grad school. one HUGE stressor that is now taken care of. now it's a waiting/trusting game. they are accepting 10 people into the counseling program. the Lord knows my desire to serve students and my need for health insurance! he will supply the opportunity i need to serve him the exact way He has in mind. whether that be with the music team at the well, mentoring, grad school, who knows!

in romans 1 it says that God reveals himself in creation so all men are without excuse. that being said, there are few times that i am truly thankful for the beauty of fresno but the past couple weeks have been one of those times! the rain makes the air so clear and you can see every mountain top of the sierras. His beauty is breath taking. i cannot help but reflect on not only creativity but His majestic power. how can someone look at the scene of those mountains and say there is no God? it is beyond me! what an amazing King we serve!

packrat.

so here i an at my parents house. my home for the next 3 months. im sitting in my dads beloved chair that I know I will have to get out of the second he walks through the door. his sanctuary (aka the office) is now decorated with shoes, purses, and pictures of flowers. i have never felt so girlie in my life and i know he is going to regret letting me live here the moment he walks in! also, when and how did i accumulate so much junk?? i have boxes and boxes of useless things that i know i shouldnt throw away but i have no idea what to do with. example: a broadway frame i got in NY with a picture of adam and me. i dont want to throw that away yet i dont want to display it either! the answer? put it on a shelf in the closet. maybe in 6 months when im moving this stuff out ill have the guts to toss it. not today... example two: the box my really nice bible came in. now normal people would throw it away but i dont want to. even as i typing this i feel lame for holding onto it. the answer? give it to char to make something nice.

ya know what im excited about? having a glass of wine with my mom every night while we play oh pshaw. that will be nice. i know i will get sick of this house and my family but i hope to grow closer to my parents and grandparents. besides, there is always a tent in the backyard i can live in! :)

my tuition dollars at work.

what i have found while not paying attention to in class...



how true indeed....

amata

it's 10:02 and i'm in bed. with my door closed. with my pjs on. i'm hoping this will become my routine for this next semester. goodbye late nights of hanging out and sleeping in til the crack of noon! it is a bittersweet farewell. while i will miss being lazy and having ultimate freedom, i am looking forward to getting disciplined and starting this new chapter of life. a chapter that includes graduation(!), some great reading, and of course, great fellowship. i know the Lord has some great things in store and i so look forward to the growth this new stage will bring! i pray that He will continue to reveal more of Himself to me and that I will be diligent in seeking Him out.

A friend wrote me a letter 2 years ago and reading it then, i had no idea it would be exactly what i would need today! I will share some of this letter with you
"A teacher pointed something out to me the other day. He said that we are the bride of Christ, yet so often we neglct this. WE FORGET WE ARE HIS BELOVED. That he cares for us deeply and tenderly. He delights in us. So, so often I forget that I am His beloved. Because of this, my relationship with Him becomes professional- this set of words and set of meeting times. What husband would want that? Yet I treat God as if He's satisfied with this. That's where this stationary quote comes in for me- God doesn't care about whatever I give Him if He can't have me: my realness, my non-eloquent verbage, my dull affections a times- He wants those because they are me and He desires to take those things and shape them beautifully. What an incredible God!"

I pray that I will remember to give God all my thought, questions, and concerns with all areas of my life. because He uses all those things to mold me to be more like Christ. which is the goal! we, His children, are the amata, the beloved.

its close to 10:30 now so i'm off to dreamland!