the prize

it's 4:45 in the morning and my body apparently thinks 3 and a half hours of sleep was adequate so instead of looking at pinterest again, i'm going to attempt to redeem this odd hour.

last night i got home from an amazing, life-giving weekend. there is something invaluable and indescribable about being with people who know you so well, you could say no words or you could say a million nonsensical ones and they would know what you meant all the same (or at least feel freedom to tell you they didn't understand anything you just said). we talked about life, our struggles and victories in our walks with the Lord, our favorite herbs, patio furniture, and many more things that mean nothing and something all at the same time.

i was very loudly reminded of God's grace in my life regarding my friendships. and i don't mean this is a cliche' way. but really, the friendships i have are a testament to the Holy Spirit and him alone. because i've single-handedly ruined friendships, and God has single-handedly restored them. not even because i tried and begged for him to fix them, but because his plans and intentions are bigger than my sin.

one conversation in particular gave me a huge dose of clarity in my walk with Jesus. a walk that has honestly been a question mark in my mind. if someone were to ask me how i'm doing spiritually, i would have no idea how to answer right now. i don't know how to gauge it or measure it, but i wouldn't say it's bad but I wouldn't say i'm walking boldly in the Spirit either. i'm just... walking.

the question that was posed this weekend is, "is our end goal in life to be more like Jesus, or to know Jesus deeper?" i knew immediately the answer was (arguably) to know Jesus deeper and in the same instant i knew that that's not how i've been living or thinking. i can look back on the past season of life and become extremely disappointed in myself if i think too long. not because i was rebellious or sinful or anything like that, but because i didn't exude Christ the way i wished i had or in the way my pride wanted other people to see me. i didn't trust in His words alone, i longed and begged for the respect and approval of others, i knew the thing to do and didn't do it, i justified my actions and pushed blame. i could go on!

what i learned from this conversation with my friends this weekend is that my eyes have been on the wrong goal. i've been trying and hoping to have Christ-like fruit coming from my life (not a bad thing) but missing my relationship with the person of Jesus all together. if we are seeking to know Christ deeper, then we will show him better! by sheer cause and effect! by focusing on my one-on-one relationship with Jesus, my heart will be shaped like his, my mind will be filled with his words, and my attitude will reflect humility. But here is the thing... it won't be perfect. i won't always hit the mark. my pride wants to show everyone that i've got my stuff together, but that's not genuine! the truth is, i miss the mark more often than not, my thoughts are all over the place, i regret words as soon as i speak them sometimes. but that's the beauty of the gospel isn't it? I'm not trying to earn God's favor. He loves me right now at this moment as much as he will ever love me. when i focus solely on showing Christ in my life without going to him as my source, my motives are questionable and i miss Him all together!

what prize are your eyes on?

copy and paste

I found this blog the other day. And honestly I wish I had wrote it. I don't know who this author is but she penned my heart. My words and feelings were on the screen before me and I felt like I had written it. I even just attempted to rewrite something like it but didn't even come close! So I'll just copy it here. 

Here is a glimpse of my heart and mind the past few months. It's unfortunate how often I choose my flesh over the Holy Spirit that is gifted to us to use in times like these, but moments like these make me even more thankful for the place in front of the cross where Jesus waits. Not frustrated or angry with me. But ready to pick me back up and walk with me. To remind me of my value and identity in Him. I hope this encourages you as much it did me. 

BEING FORGIVEN

I sit slumped forward, discouraged, and hope runs thin as I replay the conversation. Why did I choose to be annoyed? Why did I choose to speak harshly? Why did I choose to let it get under my skin instead of absorbing the offense?

I know there’s a time to stick up for myself or clarify another’s misconception. But there’s also a time to choose to let things go, to absorb the insult, to respond with grace and kindness even though it seems so contrary to my natural response. I’m a Christian. I have a new heart, and one that is not of stone but is of flesh. This new heart it supposed to be soft and loving and my speech is supposed to be seasoned with grace. I continue thinking about the same conversation and I hear the unkind, impatient words that I spoke. Where is the softness? Where is the grace?

My heart is heavy, weighted. I wish I could simply rewind and redo the last few minutes. I chose to speak hard words of anger; I chose to do what was wrong when there was such a clear choice to do what was right.

But grace…

Grace comes, covering like a layer of freshly fallen snow.

Sin is ugly and glaring, but it will not control, nor will it have the final say. Sin that leads to sorrow that brings me to Christ upon that cross that softens my heart in repentance that allows me to find forgiveness that covers me in His grace. What an intricate, compassionate design.

The weight lifts. The burden eases. The sorrow is replaced with peace. Peace: something that, even moments before, I was clawing at but that was out of my reach.

My mind returns to that recent conversation where I fell so short of the mark, where I was cold and annoyed and impatient and unloving. I can’t help but think how it’s altogether effortless to be gracious in the easy moments but that it’s a testimony to His goodness when graciousness abounds in difficulty, when graciousness marks me even when I’m responding to unkindness. 

I’m reasonably good at loving people when they’ve shown love towards me. I often fail at loving people well when they’ve hurt me. There’s nothing remarkable in the former; there’s something uniquely Christian in the latter.

I speak these words to someone I love:

“It was wrong to be short-tempered, to be unkind to you. I should have been gracious; I have every reason in the world to be gracious. Would you forgive me?”

How sweet it is, to hear words of love and forgiveness spoken in return. Repentance and forgiveness brings such freedom, such joy, such life.

There is no delight in sin or in the heaviness that descends. But there is a moment of profound, indescribable beauty when repentance is met with forgiveness.

http://galotti.blogspot.com/2013/01/being-forgiven.html

be a blessing

i enjoy lists. i look at a list and know exactly what needs to be done so i dont have to worry about forgetting papers, appointments, etc. i especially love it when someone gives me a lists to follow. especially when that someone is a wise theologian. here is a list compiled by john piper (i did the little blurbs) on how to keep unity with each other. look at it. think about the areas that you struggle with most. and then do it!

1. let's avoid gossiping
gossiping is the first thing to do if you want to to hurt the unity of a group. not only are you making someone look bad in front of someone else, you are hurting the trust of the person you are speaking to! this is especially true with fellow believers. why do we feel the most freedom to gossip when it's about our own church family?

2. let’s identify evidences of grace in each other and speak them to each other and about each other.
instead of looking at what the person is doing wrong, first focus on where you are seeing God work in them! then TELL THEM. how encouraging is it for someone to hear that God is being shown in their life. I can't say how many times i have felt lame and felt like i was being a dead-beat Christian then someone goes out of their way to encourage it me and i am reminded that God is SO much bigger than me and just because i can't feel him doesn't mean he is not moving!!

3. Let’s speak criticism directly to each other if we feel the need to speak to others about it.
this kind of goes along with the gossip idea. if you find yourself having a major grievance with someone, ask yourself if you have talked to that person about it. if you haven't and have no intention to, do not talk to anyone else about it. if you need advice on the situation before you confront your friend, there are ways to go about it without bashing or gossiping! Talk to one person who is older and outside of the situation. And our motive when bringing another person in is to gain wisdom so there can be restoration. I have been trying to use these situations as a chance to rely on the Spirit to guide me, not any one person. Being an external processor, it's hard for me to not talk to many people about my issues. In reality, the only necessary person to talk to about it is the Lord. 

4. Let’s look for, and assume, the best motive in the other’s viewpoint, especially when we disagree.
Believe the best in others. Believe that your fellow Christ followers are not out to get you. When we feel threatened it's easy for us to get defensive. Remember, we are on the same side here! Satan would love for us to be on different sides. We are far less affective that way.

5. Think often of the magnificent things we hold in common.
When you are in a fight or tension with someone else, remember, Christ died for both of you. In front of the cross we are equally helpless. Remembering this can ease the tension and the desire to bash others. You are no greater than the person next to you. Your sin issues are no holier. You are both children of the Most High.

a crushed heart

When we say we are submitted to Christ, what are we actually submitting to? To Christ’s commands? To what The Well asks us to do? To spend time with Christ? All of the above? I don’t know what the exact answer is, but I do know where the answer begins.

David pens in Psalm 51, “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

If our submission to Christ began with mere sacrifices (of time, sleep, money, etc.), it would be easy. But true submission starts so much deeper. The word “contrite,” when translated from the original Hebrew language, refers to be being broken, humble, and even crushed. So when presenting ourselves to the feet of the Creator we must first come with a contrite heart. A heart that has been broken before a holy, perfect God. This can be difficult! But when we allow ourselves to be broken before Him we can truly evaluate our submission to Him.

It starts at the core of who we are.

What do we think about when we are alone in our minds? What is our response when someone gets the praise for a job you did? What do we say to someone when gossip takes place? What kind of person are you when no one is watching or listening? It’s difficult questions like these that can reveal who or what we are submitted to. I would venture to say that it is far easier to do outward tasks than it is to take your thoughts captive, leave a conversation, or choose to believe that God’s opinion of you is far more important than anyone else’s. Why is that? If you are like me, it took you many years to realize you are in the center of your universe. Rewinding 25 years of patterns, mindsets, and habits is not easy. I am so thankful the Lord gave us his Holy Spirit to work in us and through us. We don’t have the power to change our own hearts, but we can do things to pursue a heart submitted to Christ. Brad gave the first 4 suggestions in a sermon (a couple years ago) and the last suggestion is mine.

BE PERSISTENT IN PRAYER - (JAMES 1:5, LUKE 18:1-14, 1 PETER 5:6-7)

Have you ever simply asked God to do a work in your heart? He is eager to make your will align with His. Spending time communicating with Him can look differently for different people. Journal, blog, pray out loud, pray in the car, get on your knees next to your bed, and more. Communicating with the Lord strengthens our dependence on him. 1 Thessalonians even tells us to make our requests known to him!

Question: What is your ideal way to talk with God?

ENGAGE IN WORSHIP - (PSALM 24, HEBREWS 10:24-35, PSALM 149)

There are 2 kinds of worship you can participate in. Both are vital for your growth.

• Corporate – Worshipping, listening, and learning among other believers is not only beneficial, it’s biblical! The Body of Christ is the instrument God uses to reach the lost, sharpen each other, and it simply is honoring to Him when his children come together to praise him.
• Individual – This does not necessarily mean singing worship songs for 20 minutes of your day (although it could). Worshipping God as an individual is simply doing acts out of adoration of Him. That could mean taking a walk and praising him for what you see, doing all the chores that day for your family, reading slowly over the lyrics of your favorite worship song, spending time in silence in front of him, the list is endless!

Question: What are things in your life that stir your affections (worship) for God?

LIVE IN COMMUNITY (ACTS 2:42, PROVERBS 28:13, HEBREWS 10:24-25)

We talk about this a lot at The Well. Living in authentic community. Seen not just in a weekly lifegroup, but among friends who can see and speak into your life. These communities are encouraging to be around, and point others to Christ.

Question: Is the community you live in God-honoring? Who are the people that God has placed in your life to make you more like Him?

DISCIPLESHIP (1 TIMOTHY 2:1-2, TITUS 2)

In the books of Timothy and Titus Paul explains the importance of believers discipling other believers. This is where life change can really happen! Younger women learning from older women, older men teaching younger men. If you have learned about the Lord through a difficult circumstance, why not share it with someone going through the same trial?

Question: Is there an older person in your life that you want to learn from? Is there a younger person in your life that you could take under your wing and show them the things of God? Why not pursue these people?

RECOGNIZE AREAS OF SIN AND FLEE FROM THEM (HEBREWS 12:1-2, ROMANS 6)

It is impossible to be truly submitted to Christ while also being submitted to our flesh. In order for the Lord to truly be changing us into the image of His son, we must examine our lives and walk away from the “sin that so easily entangles.” What are you waiting for?

Question: What is an area of struggle in your life? What are you going to do to walk away from that sin? Who can you share this with to hold you accountable?

Self-reflection and analyzing where you are at with the Lord isn’t always easy, but always beneficial! I end this long-winded post (sorry) with these verses.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

Our submission should be to Him who is our prize, our sustainer, and our motivation!

droplets from the roman fire hydrant

i enjoy mornings. i enjoy being up early getting a head start on my to-do list, drinking coffee, just being awake in general. i especially love mornings when i get to see some people i love. every Friday morning a group of ladies roll out of bed (some more willing than others), order our Starbucks usuals with our favorite barista Jen, and attempt to wake our brains up quickly so we can read the Word together. over the past several months we went through Romans. reading Romans before the sun was even awake was a little intense some days but aways beneficial. here is my attempt to summarize some nuggets of the book one chapter at a time with a theme that we talked about that week (or a theme that hit me personally). reading Romans is a lot like trying to sip out of a fire hydrant. there is SO much we can apply and learn from this book. this summer we only touched the tip of the iceberg!

warning: this is not a "feel good" chapter. it's more of a "kick to the face chapter." 

chapter 1 talks about humanity's inexcusable need for a Savior. Paul explains how God has shown himself to us through nature (so we have no excuse not to know He exists) and later lists many of our sinful habits (so we have no excuse not to need Him). sounds super uplifting right?

let's get specific.

a couple times Paul lists off examples of these said sinful habits that those who ignore God practice. let's try a few with ourselves shall we?...
- murdering (i think we may be safe here. maybe.)
- covetousness (pinterest alone makes me covet. nice homes, rockin' bodies, yummy desserts...)
- gossip (ha. check. unfortunately.)
- boastful (how often do we hope someone will notice our achievement and happen to mention it in front of people? oh just me? awesome.)
- and in case you don't happen to struggle with this list, he ends it with verse 32...

 "Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them."

ouch. i read that and felt like someone had punched me in the gut. it's like Paul said, "oh so you haven't struggled with these lately? well, have you been approving of someone else engaging in these?" my pride loves to convince me that godliness is the same as avoiding this list of sins. while i'm sure He would prefer us not to engage in these behaviors, He is FAR more concerned with the condition of our heart (see also Mary and Martha and psalms 51). what is my attitude toward sin? does it deeply grieve me or do i just hope no one finds out about it?

now to be honest, i'm not sure i know exactly what it means to apply the truth of this verse to my life. does that mean we aren't to watch TV or movies with characters practicing any of these behaviors? or do we make sure we aren't approving of sin in others' lives? what if i'm struggling with that sin myself?

i suppose that's why we have the Holy Spirit. to walk us through those type of questions. this verse does make me think of my friendships. are they uplifting? is our friendship making me and the friend more Christ-like? are we better people because of our time together?

despite the fact that romans isn't that encouraging off the starting block, we should be encouraged. because without knowing our dire state, we will never truly appreciate Christ or see how infinitely unworthy we are to have relationship with him.

stay tuned. it gets better!

Quickie

I realize I haven't written in months and to say a lot has gone on is an understatement. Life has changed dramatically a few different times, I've neglected the Lord, been received by the Lord, and once again seen he is truly the only source of abundant life.

I saw this prayer this morning from the book Killing Calvinism by Greg Dutcher and I appreciated it so I thought I'd share it here!

Mighty God,

Thank you for giving me eyes, ears, memory, and intellect. You have enabled me to see the wonder of your sovereign mercy throughout your Word. Had you not chosen me, I would not be your child. Had you not loved me first, never would I have loved you at all.

May I never be more enamored with the theology that helps me see these things clearly than with seeing you. Forgive me for the times when I have made my understanding of you and your saving ways an idol rather than an aid.

When others see me, may they see a person completely captivated by your glory and humbled by your mercy.

For Jesus’ sake, amen.

I'll write more another day...

humble pie

Lately I’ve been eating a lot of “humble pie.” I haven’t been asking for any, nor wanting seconds and thirds, yet I’ve been finding myself being forced to eat it! Whether it is through hard conversations, getting my feelings hurt, or someone calling me out, I’ve seen more of my flesh than I wanted to lately!

What is your response when confronted with your sin? I like to think mine is humility, a teachable heart, and grace. Yet if I’m being completely honest, I tend to be a blame-shifter. I can think of a million different reasons why I sinned the way I did. “She raised her voice, so I had to raise mine, “ “I’m not gossiping. I’m verbally processing,” “He hurt my feelings! I’m allowed to give him the cold shoulder for a while,” or “I sin in this area a lot because my parents did. It was passed on to me.”  

Can you relate? When we put the blame on other people or situations we are forgetting a few different things.

1.     We are in control of our selves. No one ever forces me to raise my voice or speak badly about someone else. We are always given the choice in how to respond and act in every situation. When I’m holding a grudge or judging someone, I’m choosing to. Jesus was in plenty of situations where he could have sinned, yet never did. One of the fruits of the spirit is self-control. If you have room for growth in this area, spend time with the Lord and work through it! Jesus died so we can be free from not just the consequences of sin, but the power of sin in our lives as well.

2.     We are new creations. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 Paul says that after we trust in Jesus, we are “…a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.” Read that again. A new creation! We no longer are bound to the patterns of our families or culture. Given the fact that we were all raised by an imperfect person, it’s safe to say we’ve probably picked up some of their bad habits. But through prayer, the Holy Spirit, and sometimes counseling, we can become aware of those areas and fight against them. We do not have to victims of our circumstances.

3.     We have been given everything we need for Godliness. 2 Peter 1:3 says, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us…” Simply by knowing Christ personally, we are given everything we need for godliness. I so often find myself praying for the Lord to give me patience and then I just wait around to feel the patience. In reality, I already have access to it! We won’t always feel like obeying or doing what we know we ought to do, but through Christ, we have the ability to always obey! 2 Corinthians 9:8 says, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (emphasis added)

Seeing my sin and flesh can be discouraging, until the Lord reminds me that His love for me is not contingent on my obedience and Jesus’ power is made perfect in our weakness. When we are weak in an area, we have an opportunity to lean on Christ’s power! So do not be discouraged. The Lord’s love is unconditional, Christ’s power is made perfect in our weakness, and the Lord will never give up on our sanctification. He promises to work on us until Christ comes and we are complete! Hopefully this reminds us that humble pie does not have to taste so bad.