Hello, my name is ______

The Spiritual Formation team has the privilege every Tuesday of speaking to the Residency class. We have slowly been walking through The Anatomy of a Disciple and the past couple weeks we have been talking about being morally discerning. Of course my black and white, rule-loving brain thought, “Great! We can talk about making good decisions for the sake of Christ when it comes to alcohol and rated R movies!” And while those topics are worth having conversations about, they are not the primary issues when it comes to moral discernment. In order to make good decisions for the sake of Christ, we need to know who we are in Christ.

How do you view yourself? How do you think God views you?

Too often I find myself with the mindset of someone who is trying to attain Christ’s righteousness. My own righteousness is the carrot that is dangled in front of me. I often feel like if I work hard enough I will be able to grab it. I feel like a sinner who is daily putting on Christ like clothes. I put on Jesus like a jacket to cover up who I am. I eventually get uncomfortable and take the jacket off. Guilt then sets in as I realize about who I am and that I can never do enough to earn God’s favor. This gets exhausting and isn’t how God intended it. The truth of the matter is, we aren’t sinners trying to put on Christ’s righteousness. We haven’t just been given His righteousness to put on; we have been given a new identity! We no longer identify with the sinful people that we once were. God sees Christ’s righteousness when he looks at us. What a beautiful thing!

Do you believe that? Or do you think God sees you as someone who needs to do better, someone who has failed yet again at your morning devotionals, gossip, lust etc.? Yes, God wants our obedience and self-discipline, but when he looks at us he sees His son’s perfection. Not because we put it on really well that day, but because it is our identity now.

It is true that without Christ, we are desperate sinners, incapable of pleasing God. But once we have seen our sin in the light of God’s holiness, humbly submitted to Christ, we are new creations (2 Cor. 5:17). Our self-seeking identity is put to death and we now live in Christ’s righteousness. Therefore, the process of spiritual formation happens when we “throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles” and rest in our identity that is found in the perfect life of Christ.

Realizing this makes moral decision-making so much easier. I am not making decisions as a sinner trying to attain Christ’s perfection; I’m making decisions as a perfect person taking off my flesh and walking in close relationship to Christ. We don’t have to use a rule-based filter, but rather one that asks, “Since Christ dwells in me, will this decision be beneficial to me or enslave me? Am I doing this for myself or for others?” Understanding our true identity and acting from that is a much stronger motivator than guilt!

I’m so thankful for a relationship with the Father that I know is secure in what Christ did, not my own efforts. Let’s find our joy in that today!

Last Sunday was my 25th birthday. I started a blog post a couple months back talking about turning about turning 25 and the title of it was "Stop this Train." However, I never posted it. I didn't post it because it was, in short, me explaining the fears that come from getting older, why/how I'm going to overcome those fears, and then I tied the whole thing with a spiritual bow at the end.

Well the Lord changed my mindset a bit. Instead of sharing why getting older is weird, I want to share what I'm thankful for! My 24th year was a monumental one. My year was filled with a lot of me saying, "I think (insert hard situation here) is going to kill me", "Oh that's what the Lord meant by that," and "Seriously, did I just do that?"

So here are 25 things that I'm thankful for from the last year. This is kind of a cheesy list but hey... it's my birthday. And I can be cheesy if I want to.

I'm thankful for...
25. Monopoly Deal. Yes this in on my list. I love games, especially ones that bring people together for hours and hours around Starbucks tables. Many Friday nights were happily given to this game.
24. God's sovereignty in Ben's accident. Watching the Lord do miracles with Ben, saving his life, was one of the most awe inspiring situations I've ever been a part of. I'm so thankful that I was able to be with this family and watch them rely on the Lord together and even find the ability to laugh in such a horrific time.
23. Seeing the consequences of sin when we don't nip sin in the bud quickly!
22. The TV show Parenthood. I've learned a lot about what not to do when I have kids one day!
21. Learning as believers, our identity is in Christ (not in other people). We don't need to make sure everyone happy, read into weird looks, or be offended by people because we are defined and secure in Christ and our relationship with him. I've learned this lesson (and will continue learning it) the hard way for years and I'm thankful he has never stopped teaching me!
20. Learning how to love people healthily. It's not always healthy to be the people pleaser. Some times that's the most unloving thing we can do! Truly loving someone is pushing them to see Christ better. Sometimes that means an encouraging note, a hard conversation, or saying yes to some things and no others. Another lesson I'm thankful for.
19. Going Israel. This was the most incredible experience I have ever had in my entire life. I was terrified to go (and almost positive I was going to die) but I am SO glad the Lord took me there. I'll be thankful for this trip for the rest of my life.
18. My diabetes group. There is just something fulfilling about comparing crazy low-blood sugar stories and laughing about insulin pumps. That sounds so incredibly nerdy...
17. Heartache that led to me finding out who the Lord has designed me to be (see Acts 20:24).
16. Discovering @BadBanana. Funniest man on Twitter. If I could retweet everything he said without being crazy, I would! Laughing is most definitely my favorite sport.
15. Dating experiences. So much learning this year in that department. So much laughter. So many good memories. I'm so thankful for these experiences.
14. I'm thankful that I'm in the midst of learning that I can be dramatic... Ate a big piece of humble pie with that one. Working on my exaggerations of situations. and thinking my world is going to end.
13. Living with Ashley, Ashley, and Jayne. so grateful that the Lord has blessed me with such amazing women to do life with! Dance breaks, karaoke nights, and far too much cookie dough.
12. The Well staff. The Lord has used my bosses and my team to sharpen and convict me. I'm better because of Jerrod, Melissa, and Greg!
11. Running a half marathon. I survived it. And then I hate $7 of YoDiggity afterwards. No shame.
10. Meeting CJ Mahaney. A hero of the faith.
9. Learning to see myself as a saint not a sinner. This knowledge allows me to obey out of my identity in Christ, not my efforts. He sees Christ's perfection, not my sin. How amazing!
8. Discovering the musical love of Kari Jobe.
7. Counseling. I could write a book about my counseling experience. I'll spare you. Just know that I'm a different person and I now have a far healthier relationship with others because of it.
6. Weddings. There were 11 weddings I got to watch this year and I loved all of them. So much dancing. So much cake. Zero complaining form this girl.
5. The Lord restoring relationships. Healed relationships this year has been one of the most real examples of grace I've ever seen and known. He has shown me his love and grace for me through these friendships.
4. Kickboxing. Gosh I just love it.
3. The Gospel Coalition. Chicago, deep dish pizza, phenomenal speakers, seeing Jesus Christ in the old testament, and Jayne. Could it get any better??
2. Yo, Vikings. There are few things in this world that get me more "in my element" than performing. I'm so glad I got to do this!
1. Cottage cheese and pineapple. That pretty much sums up my entire year.


Here is to living my mid-twenties for the Lord. Cheers!

the One

I'm really good at starting things. I get excited, I buy all the necessary supplies, I get the gear I need, feel completely pumped up and then, in 2 weeks, my excitement and motivation slowly starts running out.  I get this way with home projects, exercise routines, heck I even convinced myself I was going to learn Russian once (I can greet you in Russian. Then I'm useless). I wish I wasn't like this but I know I'm not alone. There are many other people like me who start well but don't finish well (if they finish at all). 

If we aren't careful, this bad habit can bleed into our spiritual lives. We can start reading a book, hear a sermon, or jump into a new vision, such as The Anatomy of a Disciple and the "One", get on board and then quickly run out of steam, going back to our old way of life and thinking. How do we counter act this? How do we elicit real life change and not just try an "add on" to our life, quickly disposing of it as soon as the excitement runs out?

I am convinced that true life change cannot happen outside of consistent and regular personal time with the Lord in front of His throne and His word. That is where we can take the truths from that book or sermon and truly digest it in the ways that God wants it to be applied in our lives. And more than that, He is our Father, Creator, and Master, deserving of our time, affections, and our whole selves. Without time with Him, we are trying to create change on our own, and failing. Our personal times with him allow us to be encouraged and convicted by his Holy Spirit, which causes us to trust him more, become more dependent on him, and in turn allow us to love others better. If our cup is not filled with the love Christ, then what we are producing is merely our own efforts and will power. Not only do our own efforts run out, they do not point back to Christ. 

Many times I don't even realize that I'm running on my own fuel. Until I run out and I get frustrated. That's when I realize I haven't spent quality time with my Father in weeks. No wonder I'm struggling! I'm not including the one person who I'm doing this for. CH Spurgeon has said, "Many hours are spent with men, how many with your Maker?"

So as we are now focusing on the "One" let's remember and not neglect the one relationship that fuels all change in our lives and in the lives of those we are ministering to. Our relationship with the One who conquered it all so we could be his disciples, Jesus Christ. 

waves

“By faith we will slip our cable for another day’s cruise, and sail forth with Jesus into a sea of tribulation. Winds and waves will not spare us, but they all obey Him; and, therefore, whatever squalls may occur without, faith shall feel a blessed calm within. He is ever in the centre of the weather-beaten company: let us rejoice in Him. His vessel has reached the haven, and so shall ours.” ~Charles Spurgeon

he has conquered our trials today. let's rest the fact the waves that we feel are overtaking us are the waves that bow down to our God. we are so undeserving of Him yet he pours his grace, love, and protection on us. i'm thankful for that today.

tune up

i know i haven't blogged in a while. i wish i could accurately portray what i've been thinking through the past month or so. here is an attempt...

i turn 25 in 2 months. i can't stop thinking, "am i old enough to be 25? shouldn't i still 21?" maybe you can relate to that. the verse that is tapping at the conscious of my mind as i think through the past year and the year that is to come is Acts 20:24...

"But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."

it's so easy to forget our mission here as disciples of Christ. we (i) am easily distracted by work, friends, futures, facebook, TV, conflict, etc. i get caught up in what i want to be, where i want to be, who i want to be. when i should be intentionally seeking out who Christ wants me to be. am i displaying grace today? am i spending time with Jesus today? have i delighted in His words today? am i staying true to my convictions even when it's uncomfortable? am i living by the law or by freedom today? am i speaking truth today?

a lot of these thoughts have also been brought about because i'm reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. he starts the book of with a poem,

"one life 'twill soon be past; only what's done for Christ will last."

how true and convicting are those words? we only have one life here to live. why do we waste time on anything that isn't pleasing to God? may we never forget our purpose on this earth: to know Christ deeply and point others to him.

a thought from the holy land...

I’m not great at conflict. I’m often the one who will avoid a subject to avoid hurt feelings. If I feel I’ve wronged someone I don’t exactly seek them out in a room. I may seem like I’m unaffected by what ever the issue is at hand, but internally, I’m a mess. This, unfortunately, is not only truly in my earthly relationships but can be true in my relationship with God. I also don’t understand grace. And yes these two things are very related.

I just returned home from trip to Israel. We saw some of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen and done some things that I never imagined myself doing. We walked where Jesus walked, wandered where the Israelites wandered, and stood in awe of the cross where Jesus was killed. My life will forever be changed by the things I saw and experienced in my time in God’s chosen land. Yet when I think about one of the most impactful lessons I took home from my 10 days there, it doesn’t have anything to do with the sights or land. It has to do with a story I have read 100 times but for some reason, in hearing it for time 101, God allowed me to hear it all new ears.

We’ve all heard about Peter. Peter is the one who acts before he speaks, shoots before he aims, and makes it far too easy for us to relate to him. For much of my life I have felt like I am too much like Peter, a little too impulsive and little too emotionally led.

In the final chapters of the gospel of John, the author recaptures the events prior to and right after the death of Jesus. We read that Peter denies Christ three times, even found cursing in his final denial. I can’t even fathom the guilt, shame, utter hatred Peter must have felt for himself after he heard the words come out of his mouth and the rooster crow. Not moments later does Jesus go straight to his horrendous death. Peter must have been replaying in his mind the sin he just committed, the sorrow he just caused his friend, knowing that was the last encounter he had with him. There is a pit in my stomach just imagining it. Unfortunately, I have felt similar feelings in my heart and stomach.

After 3 days of sitting on what he has done, Peter attempts to go back to normal life. He goes back to what he knows, fishing on the water. By this time Jesus has returned to life and is walking around Galilee. He sees his disciples on the water struggling to catch some fish. Jesus yells out to them and after a bit, John realizes who this stranger is. As soon as John exclaims that it is the Lord, Peter immediately jumps in the water and swims to him. Putting myself in Peter’s shoes I can only imagine the relief that must have swept over his body. He thought he would have to live in the guilt and shame of his sin forever, but no! Jesus is alive! I have felt that desperation many times. Dying to see in the eyes of the person I’ve wronged that we are okay, that they haven’t given up on me. That feeling makes me a little emotional even now!

If I were Peter, would I have swam to Jesus? Or would I have hid at the bottom of the boat, knowing that I had wronged my Rabbi in the deepest of ways? Unfortunately I probably would have done the latter, backing away slowly, avoiding eye contact. By Peter running to the one he wronged, he shows he truly knows grace. He truly knows (in his head and his heart) that Christ’s love for Peter is not dependent on what he does or doesn’t do. Now if I truly believed that, I wouldn’t hide in a corner when I know I’ve disappointed God. I should be able to approach God with sorrow over my sin, knowing that discipline may be coming, but never in the form of anger or withholding love. That is not in God’s character. Peter got that.

Do we as a church truly understand that? Do we treat those in our church with the same grace? Do we love despite what others do? Do I believe that God loves me despite my flesh that wins far too often? Do I love others from these eyes of grace or eyes of expectation? For the first time in Peter’s life thus far, I think there is something we can hope to identify with.

amen!

"Oh to behold the Glory of Christ! Here in would I live, Here in would I die, here on would I dwell in my thoughts and my affections until all things here below become as dead and deformed things, and in no longer, any way, calling out for my affections."

John Owen

contractions

"sarah i feel like you have been in a 2 year gestation period and you are about to give birth!" - yvonne downs.

as bizarre as that may sound, i agree with her. God is moving in me and challenging me to rethink everything. i can't wait to see what that will mean for me.

this is what happens when you pray for the lord to teach you how to walk by the spirit's leading alone. he starts leading! now i just need to courage to walk forward.

He is for us. He is on our side.

to be continued...

shmegalism

The strictest adherence to the law is never legalism, if your motive is right.

- Don Whitney

I love this quote.

Sometimes I notice myself smudging the lines of things I know are black and white in order to not fall into "legalism." When in reality, it's an excuse to not follow a principle that is difficult to follow in that moment. Or maybe it will make me look a certain way in front of people. Or I think, "Oh my motive in following that rule is to impress (insert important person) so I better do what I want because I don't want to do anything out of pride." Who am I trying to fool? Why don't we just put our hearts in the right place, then do what we know God has asked of us? Isn't that the power of grace? Titus 2:11-14 says,

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good."

Let's just see how powerful this grace can be.

morph

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

i've lately been so encouraged that He truly is faithful to prune me and grow me in the ways He sees fit. i'm so incredibly grateful that my position in Him has nothing to do with my successful (or unsuccessful) efforts. he will grow me and shape me despite my weaknesses and faults!

i look back at 2010 and that's all i can see. failed attempts on my part to do good, and God picking me and up and either pruning me in that area, or encouraging me to keep going.

i had a long post written about last year but in short, my low was my sin, and my high was my great Savior. whom i did not appreciate or love as much as i did prior to last year. he is far more than i ever could deserve and i'm thankful for my relationship with him that i did nothing to earn!

maybe one day i'll write a post that isn't serious. i can write about... clothes or something. people blog about clothes right? i'll work on that.