behavior modification

okay fine. i'll blog :)

turns out i've not written a decent blog since june (yikes!). i'll just to an adequate update while keeping it somewhat brief.

im not pursuing grad school at CSUF anymore. i'm working as a therapist to kids with autism. i'm living with 4 of my closests friends. i'm going to the well. is that good enough? :)

so being a child development major and now working with a bunch of behaviorists, i think about people and the reasons we do what we do. at work we analyze our clients misbehaviors by asking "why are they acting out?" By that we can try and get to the root of the problem and address that instead just training them how to act (i imagine the same thing goes for parenting). when i first heard of this in a class i took in college it blew my mind. "you mean there is a deeper issue than the kid just wanting to kick his sister?" i know this may sound elementary but my eyes were totally opened. It's a heart issue. if we address just the behavior, the problem is still very much alive, just hiding under a bandaid. we are just modifying the behavior and while doing so telling the kid "it's okay to be angry at your sister all the time, just dont kick her." that's not what we want.

now the part that i have been thinking about/being convicted of since my last post is not the heart issue behind that bad stuff i do, but the good stuff. the things that make me look good or feel good. like, reading my bible, going to church, not watching this show or that movie, praying, the list goes on. unfortunately my reasons behind doing these things is not always to be living in my abundant life, that is Christ. sometimes the reasons are: i know i should read, i don't want ______ to know that i watch this movie or say that word, i'm supposed to do this or that, etc. i am a victim of my own training! i have modified my behavior without checking the heart of the issue. how horribly sad. not just for me but even more so for my Father. now i dont want to say that i'm like this all the time. a lot of the time i read b/c i know i should and as soon as i open my bible i feel a tsunami of comfort and truth coming my way. perhaps you have felt the same thing? it is my hope and prayer that my heart would be completely set on honoring my Lord and yearing to be closer to Him and that is the only reason for doing the things i do. however, i can't just make myself want something or yearn for something.
Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." it doesn't start with doing, it starts with something so much deeper. how do we renew our mind and heart? by filling it with Him. spend time with Him, talking with Him, reading, being outside in His nature, list His qualities, list His names.
psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." when He is what im filling myself with, He will be my delight. and heck, we need to be asking Him for these things!

So right now i'm working on the heart of the issue. why i do or don't do things. why do i run to others? why do i measure myself with those around me? why are my eyes doing a constant shifting gaze instead of staring at Him and Him alone?

let's take a week. a week of purposeful pursuit of Him. spending time in His word, with His people, in His presence. ready go.